Saturday, October 4, 2008

And I Wear My Pants up to My Chest, Too

Reality, Reason, Rational Self-Interest

Here's something I just posted on THE FORUM. I like it enough that I want to put it here, too:

I've had a few foot soldiers come to my door this election season, some merely shilling for their man, others asking me to participate in polls. They all get the same answer: Your candidate sucks. Go away. I usually manage to get it in before they even say enough to identify who they're working for. The looks on their faces are priceless. As for phone polls, I just hang up the instant I know what the call is about.

There was one time when I couldn't hold back, though. As I was leaving my house, in fact as I was opening my car door to get in (I'd seen them coming down the block and I'd hoped to get away before having to deal with them), a pair of what looked like Jehovah's Witnesses came up to me and opened with, Hi! (Why are they always so effing cheerful?) We'd like to ask you a few questions about global warming! The rest went pretty much like this:

No, thanks, gotta go.

So, not concerned then?

Pregnant pause...

Yes, I'm very concerned. I'm concerned that global warming (I actually used air quotes) is the biggest fraud ever perpetrated on mankind. I'm concerned that people holding a government gun are demanding that my life and the lives of my children be sacrificed to insects and mud. I've reviewed the science on this subject. Really reviewed the actual science, not just read a summary of a summary in Time magazine or blindly accepted what some ignorant pastor or political hack wants me to believe, and it proves beyond doubt that the earth is not warming right now, that the planet has gone through perfectly natural cycles of warming and cooling for millions if not billions of years, and that humans have no effect whatsoever on climate. But what I'm most concerned about is that right now I have to go pick my son up at work and engage in some rampant consumerism that's probably a violent rape of Mother Nature. I'm really looking forward to that, and she probably is, too—the whore—and you are wasting my time with your stupidity.

Then I got in the car and drove away. I guess I've become a bitter, angry old man—and I'm not even 50 yet. I'm just not going to put up with any crap any more, and if someone is offended along the way, too bad.

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